he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize