Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
