Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize