I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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