My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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