ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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