He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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