you would pick up someone in the library
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
