Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
