i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
