Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
