FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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