____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
