I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
