i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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