i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
