I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
