I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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