Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize