There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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