I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
