Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
