I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
