I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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