my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
