this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
