I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
