I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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