how can u be prego again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
