I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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