You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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