I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
