Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
