I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
