think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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