I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
