Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
