haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
