so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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