Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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