He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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