we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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