Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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