Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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