Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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