Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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