Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
