it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
