We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
