hotel room ftw
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
