Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize