Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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