I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
