i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You are a genius and a whore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
