He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had sex on a roof
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
