we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
