I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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