then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
