I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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