I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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