im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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