I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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