Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
