Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
