I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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