i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my liver is dry heaving
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
