ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
