Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
