I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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