I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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