she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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