i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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