Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
