Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
