The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize