Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
