It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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