So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
