don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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