she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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