So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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