Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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