I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
