I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you had me at cake vodka
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
