i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
