the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
