her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
